“You don’t understand me because you don’t listen.” “Are you listening?”
I hear this in almost every conversation, and it leaves me asking and wondering if anyone actually listens. Everyone wants to be heard, and we all want to go first with what we have to say. We all want to talk at once, but someone has to listen, right? If so, who has to listen? Well… It is you who has to listen. Everyone has to take turn listening.
Being listened to means that we are taken seriously, that our ideas and feelings are recognized. It also means that what we have to say matters.
BENEFITS OF ACTIVE LISTENING (over other forms of listening)
- Active listening helps you to understand, and picture other people’s situations and feelings. This in turn, helps to build other people’s trust in you.
- Unlike in critical listening where one listen to reply, in active listening you listen to understand, and this empowers you to offer support and sympathy.
- When you are an active listener, people tend to listen to you too. …so, it’s a win-win situation.
The goal of active listening is to be heard, understood, validated, and inspired to solve problems.
3 As of Active Listening
- Attitude: A proper attitude is one of positivity and open-mindedness. While you listen, keep a positive mindset and get rid of negative thoughts from your mind.
- Attention: Attention involves being fully involved in the speaker’s words and gestures. Show that you are listening genuinely without interrupting. Face the speaker, make eye contacts, give an encouraging smile☺, listen to non-verbal clues too (i.e. their body language). Ask questions too, but do not ask questions that make them feel uncomfortable.
- Adjustments: This involves changing your gestures, reactions, and body language as the speaker’s story unfolds. Try not to impose your opinion or solution. Try to adapt your perspective according to what they are saying, and be open-minded to adjust to their own perspective.
“…but, how do I listen?”
Putting the 3 As together
- Listen to what one has to say before responding to them. Don’t have responses conjured up in your head before listening to them. Allow them to finish with what they have to say before responding.
- when you don’t understand what they are saying, ask them follow-up questions. It’s a sign that you have been following what they are saying, and that you want to listen more.
- Absorb the information they’ve shared with you and reflect on it. Don’t say the first thing that comes to your mind without considering it critically. Give it a few seconds of thought before replying, it will help better.
